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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031732">let me love you goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246'>thegreenfairy246</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>when the bones are good [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Break Up, F/M, Making Up, Post-Break Up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:55:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>bucky breaks up with you, but can he really stay away?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>when the bones are good [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let me love you goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are millions of ways to describe getting your heart broken. Writers had been crafting them for centuries, but nothing compared to the hollow look you saw in Bucky’s eyes that day. The despair of realizing he had so easily been turned into the Winter Soldier was written all over his face.</p><p>He cleared his throat. "What'd I do?"</p><p>Shrugging, Steve replied, "Nothing too bad. Couple walls might need fixing, but Stark can handle that."</p><p>Later that night, it was silent as you walked into your apartment. Calling out for Bucky got you no answer. Finally you found him sitting crossed legged on the floor of your bathroom.</p><p>"Bucky? You okay?"</p><p>When his eyes met yours, you knew something was wrong. The tracks on his cheeks gave it away. You slid down the wall to sit next to him. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Bucky drew a shaky breath. "I, uh, I think we oughta break up."</p><p>You shook your head. "C'mon baby. You don't mean that." </p><p>"I do. I'm sorry, but I do."</p><p>"Don't I get a say in the matter?"</p><p>"I can't."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I can't...I just can't doll. I can't take the chance of hurting you. I don't know what I'd do with myself. I hate knowing he's, he's just in there. All the time. Waiting to come out and ruin my whole life."</p><p>"Bucky stop. I know all that. I don't care." You took his hand in yours. "I've never cared about any of that. S'not you. Everyone that loves you knows that."</p><p>Bucky didn't respond.</p><p>The tears rolled down your face before you could stop it. </p><p>"Doll, don't cry." Reaching to wipe the tears off your cheek, he stopped himself short, knowing it was no longer his place.</p><p>You dropped his hand and quickly got up from the floor, making your way into your bedroom. Realizing what he was losing, he couldn't breath. He knew he had to end it with you, but he didn't want to. </p><p>Following you into the bedroom, he asked, "What are you doing?"</p><p>"Leaving."</p><p>"What? Right now?"</p><p>"Yes. I'll, uh, I'll come over soon and get the rest of my things."</p><p>Bucky looked small standing there in the corner. It made you want to stay, to make him feel better, but you didn't.</p><p>Pausing at the door, you turned back. "Bye Bucky." With that, you walked out, and closed the door.</p><p>Pulling out your phone, you called Natasha.</p><p>"Y/N? Are you okay? It's…it's really late."</p><p>"Yeah. No. No I'm not okay." You paused, taking a ragged exhale. "Can I stay with you guys? Just for a little bit. Till I can find a place."</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah of course. You need me to come get you?"</p><p>"I'm okay. I'll see you soon."</p><p>You spent the night drowning your sorrows in a pint of ice cream with Natasha. She had been ready to attack when she saw your red rimmed eyes, until you convinced her she'd be better utilized listening to you cry on her couch.</p><p>Refusing to let you take the couch in your state, she insisted you share her bed and let Steve take the couch. You let your head fall against the pillow with a sigh. "I still have to get the rest of my stuff. I don't know how I'm gonna face him."</p><p>"You'll have help. That's how you face him. I'll go with you. We can bring Steve too. In case Barnes needs to be restrained."</p><p>You laughed and Natasha smiled. "It'll be okay Y/N. Promise."</p><p>The next morning, however unprepared you were, the two of you went to move you out of Bucky's apartment. You felt ready to dissolve into tears at any moment, but you knew it was unavoidable. Having enlisted Steve's help, only to carry the really heavy things, you at least had an entourage. Bucky kept to himself while everything happened around him. </p><p>Carrying your last box past Bucky, Natasha paused in front of him. "I vouched for you Barnes. I didn't think you would have hurt her like this."</p><p>You didn't spend much longer at Nat's place. You knew she and Steve wanted to get back to their lives, even if they made you feel impossibly welcomed. But being secluded in your own apartment made it much easier to disappear on everyone. You didn't want to deal with people, so you didn't. Nobody said you couldn't stay in bed all day and never move. Nobody was around to interrupt your spiraling thoughts about things you could have done differently, or better.</p><p>Seeing Nat's face light up your phone, you knew you had to answer it. Unanswered text messages wouldn't deter her for long.</p><p>"Hi Nat."</p><p>"Hey stranger. I'm pretty sure this used to be my best friend's number. You seen her around anywhere?"</p><p>You sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I kinda disappeared."</p><p>"Hey, don't worry about it. I get it. But I'm dragging you out of your cave."</p><p>You laughed. "Oh yeah? Where am I going?"</p><p>"To a party. At the tower."</p><p>"No. Nat, c'mon, I'm not doing that."</p><p>"Come on Y/N. We haven't seen you in ages. Just because you and Barnes broke up doesn't mean you have to give up all your friends."</p><p>"I don't know Nat. What if he's there?"</p><p>"He probably will be. Perfect opportunity to show him what he's lost."</p><p>You felt foolish. Dressed up to go to a party, walking in like a stranger in a place you used to know so well, with people you loved.</p><p>You saw Bucky as soon as you walked in. He looked good, and you were happy about it. Even if it didn't include you. </p><p>Natasha was in front of you before you could think about it for too long. "Y/N! You look amazing!"</p><p>"Thanks Nat."</p><p>She tried to keep you and Bucky apart as best she could, but soon enough, you were cornered. It was strange to see him again and not have a place at his side.</p><p>When he reached you, he started for a hug, but stopped himself. "Is that okay?"</p><p>"Sure, of course."</p><p>His arms went around you and it felt like it always had. Like you had finally come home after a long time away. When you pulled away he looked at you for a long moment before saying, "I'm really sorry."</p><p>You shrugged. "You were doing what you thought was best."</p><p>"It wasn't best, though, is the thing." Bucky chuckled. "Actually it was just about the worst thing I could have done."</p><p>"I'm sorry Buck."</p><p>"Hey, it's my fault. I'm the one that messed up the best thing in my life."</p><p>"You thought you were protecting me. Albeit in a misguided way, but the thought was there."</p><p>Bucky shifted on his feet and avoided your eyes. "I don't guess I could convince you to give us another go?"</p><p>For all the nights you'd spent crying over him, you wanted to. But for that same reason you knew you couldn't. You couldn't sacrifice all the strides you'd made in getting over Bucky just because he missed you.</p><p>"I don't think so. M'sorry Bucky."</p><p>The heartbroken look in his eyes made you want to change your mind. Before you could, Nat swept in and saved the day, pulling you down a hallway.</p><p>"What just happened?"</p><p>"Bucky asked me to get back together."</p><p>She gasped. "He did what?"</p><p>"I said no, calm down."</p><p>"Good girl. I'm glad you didn't give in just because he's sad."</p><p>"I feel really bad though Nat."</p><p>She pulled you in for a hug, stroking your hair. "I know. I'm sorry."</p><p>You held back the tears, but when she released you she still noticed them. "C'mon. You need a distraction."</p><p>You went home that night feeling hollower than you had when you had first broken up. Sure, Natasha had made sure you had a good time. Getting you to dance with...well you hadn't learned his name, you didn't really care. But it hadn't taken the sting out of rejecting Bucky. </p><p>You curled into bed that night expecting to go back to your disappearing act the next day. Never expecting to be woken up at three am by loud knocking on your door.</p><p>The last person you expected to find on the other side was Bucky. </p><p>"What are you doing here?</p><p>"I wanted to see you."</p><p>"How'd you even know where I live?"</p><p>Bucky had the sense to look sheepish. "I asked Steve where you lived. He didn't want to tell me at first, so don't be mad at him."</p><p>"You couldn't have waited until morning to come see me?"</p><p>"I needed to tell you…needed you to understand."</p><p>"You needed me to understand what?"</p><p>"Can I come in first?"</p><p>You nodded and stepped aside to let him in.</p><p>Instead of sitting, he paced around your living room. </p><p>"Bucky?"</p><p>"I can't do it without you. You made everything better."</p><p>"You should have thought about that before."</p><p>Bucky shook his head. "I know. I'm sorry, I made a mistake!"</p><p>"You can't just do this! You can't just change your mind like this! Back and forth and back and forth. I have feelings Bucky! And they do matter!"</p><p>Bucky was across the room and pressing his lips to yours before you could stop him. You pulled away and said, "No Bucky. You can't have it both ways."</p><p>"Doll please. Let us try it one more time. I got scared for a minute. I won't do it again."</p><p>You let him kiss you again. When you broke apart you murmured, "Okay."</p><p>That was all the confirmation he needed. He put a hand on each of your thighs and lifted you up. With a question of which way the bedroom was, he started in that direction. You spent your night wrapped up in each other.</p><p>He was gone in the morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! thank you for reading! if you liked it you can follow me on tumblr @blackberrybucky</p></blockquote></div></div>
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